I should have loved a thunder bird

I should have loved a thunder bird

I run to the bottom of the garden, my pale uncovered feet turning numb with the cold and wet blades of grass sticking to my heels.

The night is dark and still. The houses surrounding me are full of slumbering parents with good stable jobs and children that are well adjusted and happy.

That is perhaps until life experience ravages their innocence.

Mutates it into something dark and empty.

I suddenly wish I had put on clothes for this but in my head it has more chance of succeeding if I did not have anything on that could interfere with my attempt at being a transitory and omnipresent entity. 

I feel the icy air making my bones ache. I stand for a moment in the moonlight and stare up at the stars. You can see the stars at night in Greater Manchester.

A dog barks most likely at a spirit or ghost.
I press my fingertips to my lips and pretend I am kissing your cheek or  one of your perfect earlobes.

The fingertips are then pressed to the damp earth at my feet. 
”happy birthday” I whisper.

I stay crouching on the grass as the cold wind ruffles my long hair and makes my bionic over ambitious spine shiver painfully.

  I try curling up there in the cold night, on the wet grass, naked, in the hopes that I would get so sick and delirious I would see you.

But I knew I am too weak willed for that. Instead after only laying there a few seconds and soft as breathing say your name, the wet grass starts to seep into my bones more deeply. I stand up cup my breasts with my hands and moved quickly through the long backyard till I reach the porch and my pjs in a pile at the door.

A phone call would been ideal, I had had it all planned. I was going to wait until the family I worked for were asleep then call you from their land line.

I lay in bed a few nights planning what I would say.
”hey”
”hey shorty’ I can hear your voice saying that like you did every time you showed up at my door after making me wait for ages. You always had a good and very dramatic excuse.

You could have replied I imagined in a hundred of possible different tones and levels of enthusiasm to my impromptu ;omg distance phone call. As soon as I got this far in the conversation, tears fall down my face and they are hot and salty and big patches appeared on either side of my face, patches of salty tear stained pillow case. what if you is busy?
what if you are with someone? What if you was getting birthday sex?
I didn’t want to interrupt anything cool. Anything better than a call from me.
I could not even text him as I have no money. So instead I am at a computer in her employers study, researching long distance love spells.

How to know love spell is working on a person far away and has …
https://www.quora.com/How-do-you-know-love-spell-is-working-on-a-person-far-away…
How do you know love spell is working on a person far away and has broken communication … DO NOT try binding spells on someone that doesn’t want you.
What happens when you cast a love spell then change your mind?
Has anyone used a love spell and got their ex back?
Do love spells and potions really work?
Can real love spells bring back my ex?

It looks like a lot of work though. A lot of work for someone who only said they loved me while drunk and drinking punch from a purple sparkly hat and who had not even meant to call me in that instance in the first place but who meant to call the boss at the video store and tell them ”I quit”.

As soon as you said it you took it back. I should have listened.