This is not a reflection of my upbrining. This is not a rant on the evils of drinking and how it needs to be eradicated entierly. I was brought up in a family that were members of The Church of Jesus Christ and The Later Day Saints. I was a mormon kid out in the country. I am a grown up now and I love drinking, I mean I really enjoy it. It is the fact that it is forbidden frowned apon. It is in direct opposition to the values in which I was raised. This is why it is so fun. I love drinking gin and tonics when the budget allows. I finally mastered an appreciation of wine both red and white. I am able to drink beer and can even tell the difference between Victorian Bitter and Mountain Goat. I can appreciate a boutique or foreign beer. I love a drink in between bands , I love a chilled wine whilst observing art as I sip from a plastic cup and marvel at the excellent lighting in most galleries which allows me to do what is difficult at pubs; people watch AND look at the art works.

I am able to wonder confidently around galleries in a way that is not so possible when I find muself in a badly lit bar struggling to identify the person talking to me so animatedly that I assume I know them but cannot for the life of me, desipher in what capacity.


So, as you can comprehend my delight in getting tipsy cannot be amped enough, I love invoking my inner Sylvia Plath , Bukowski , Wilde , Hemingway and The Fitzgeralds. My only observation is that when in pubs it has become glaringly obviouse that alcohol does have a downfall. It dull your wits and if you are trying to get into the pants of a semi intelligent person, being drunk and clumsy can be quite the deterrent.


When I was still enshrined in the safety of my Morman beliefs. I was in my first year of university a large incredibly wasted engineering student was chatting me up. At least that is what I was told he was doing by a friend the next day. At the time all I was aware off was the guys beery breath as he spoke incoherently into my ear and spilt beer all over me. I was disgusted more then seduced.


It is very rare for modern day men to pull of being inebriated with the panache of a beat poet or 1920s literati. I propose a new revolution is seeking a nocturnal companion is a thing called sobriety.

It is such a turn on to have a sober individual come up to you and start a conversation. It is even better when this sober person casually articulates the level at which he finds you attractive and it is not a mere slurred, ‘you shuper hot.”

It is such an ego jump to be considered attractive by a sober gentlemen.

While out the other night with friends I was having a great time getting all excited and chatty as my friends and I discussed such high brow entertainment as the latest season of Archer. That incredibly crass and funny animation spy spoof.

A stranger came up to my cluster of homies and said something I did not catch.




‘My friend really likes you.” The stranger repeated.


I was not at an underage rave and we were not drinking energy drinks for a sugar high. This was a grown man who pointed to another man, the man who was eyeing me off.


The one who had been to shy to approach me was short but this is a plus for me as I am of the belief that short men are hot and attractive with their compact bodies and handsome faces. If you are wondering then yes, I am particularly diminutively proportioned as well so this is also just physical logistics or a form of realistic selection.


In the words of a dashing and talented writer I know.


”Alcohol is great for so many things but picking up babes is not one of them.”


This individual pulled the moves on a couch after an art opening. Two coronas sat untouched on the coffee table complete with lemon wedged into the necks of each. It was lung puffing and magical to know that someone this amazing and this sober found reasons to want to kiss my silly face with the full munchkin type cheeks. It was such an astonishing state of affairs that as he moved his face towards mine I began to giggle uncontrollably. After doing this 3 times, the young man in question asked with some concern.


”Your not actually 14 years old, are you?”


I assured him I was of age and then it happened.


The sober first kiss.


He is now my husband and we design and sew, together, the clothes for our small son.


No, it did not end in monogamy and giddy commitment.

It just ended like many things in a lifetime do. That memory is one I will cherish late into my old age and possibly something I will tell grossed out nephews and nieces.

It will be my dating tip to the up and coming romantically nieve youth.